I've struggled the last couple of days with whether or not to address the tragic events that transpired yesterday morning.
Everytime I think about it my eyes begin to sting, insense emotions brew inside of me, and I become physically ill...
My posts have been on auto-schedule so please don't think that I've just been happy go lucky and have completely ignored the sadness that our country is feeling today!
As I write this post I'm holding back tears of sorrow...
Sorrow for all those mothers who are saying goodbye to their babies at this very moment. Sorrow for those mothers that are looking at the mounds of Christmas presents that will never be opened. Sorrow for those mothers who will struggle to find any sense of joy ever again. Sorrow for the surviving children who don't fully understand the horror that they witnessed- they are forever scarred and forever terrified.
I've seen school shootings on the news before, as we all have. But, this time it's different. This time I'm a mother. This time I turned on the news for less than 5 minutes before I wanted to throw up, cry, hug my baby all night, and never leave the house again. This time I don't simply mourn with the country. This time I mourn as a mother-- with those mothers.
I think as a mother the events from yesterday morning hit way too close to home. It's scary to think how easily our lives can change in just the blink of an eye. The very thought of enduring what these mothers are enduring is more than I can handle-- I can tell you-- there is no way I would survive something like this.
As of right now I can not tell you the name of the man who destroyed so many families. I don't want to know! He doesn't deserve my knowing! I can't turn on the news. I can't watch the tragic events unfold over and over again. If I watch I will become a heap of tears. If I watch I will never want to leave the house again. If I watch I will never want to let Logan go to school and do so many things I know he'll want to do one day.
Unfortunately, if I watch, fear will win. And that is not an option!
The best way I know how to honor these mothers is to not take a single second with my baby forgranted! I need to cherish every moment with him because you never know what could happen.
I'm sure you've seen the message from Morgan Freeman going around Facebook and I agree with it 100%! I will not watch the news to learn a single thing about the gunman-- he does not deserve it! I will however mourn for all those babies that were lost and remember them and send my prayers and love to those mothers!
(I know, those babies have fathers and siblings and other family that are mourning for them! My love and prayers are with them too! This is just me writting from a mother's perspective and unloading my heavy heart!)
For those angels that are gone far too early:
Charlotte Bacon, 6
Daniel Barden, 7
Rachel Davino, 29
Olivia Rose Engel, 6
Josephine Gay, 7
Ana M Marquez-Greene, 6
Dylan Hockley, 6
Dawn Hocksprung, 47
Madeleine F Hsu, 6
Catherine V Hubbard, 6
Chase Kowalski, 7
Jesse Lewis, 6
James Mattioli, 6
Grace McDonnell, 7
Anne Marie Murphy, 52
Emilie Parker, 6
Jack Pinto, 6
Noah Pozner, 6
Caroline Previdi, 6
Jessica Rekos, 6
Avielle Richman, 6
Lauren Rousseau, 30
Mary Sherlach, 56
Victoria Soto, 27
Benjamin Wheeler, 6
Allison N Wyatt, 6
(list of victims retrieved from Fox affiliate WTIC in Hartford, Connecticut)
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